Little Hell

I'm a simple girl.
I like beer, a good movie, and some blankets.
I'm to blunt for my own good.
I'm insanely crazy.
I dance and sing horribly
and I love to never ending.
Talk to me, cause im probably bored out of my mind.
Hey. :)

You are my happiness that brought me out of the dark times. You make me feel safe and proud to be who I am. You keep me on my toes and make me smile with the biggest smile. When I wanna give up, you prove to me that we are worth it.
I thank you for everything.
You won’t see this, so you can’t tease me.

Dear Vanessa,

Maybe not everyone will agree with me when I say you are no longer worth it, but when someone just gives up on you after all the time you’ve been there for them and helped them; there comes a point when you can no longer keep going. I didn’t understand when you told someone else, ” You don’t even know what she did to me” but what did I really do? I wasn’t perfect, yet neither are you. I was always there for you, I accepted you for who you were and never judged you. I fought damn hard to make our friendship work. I was there when you were sad, when you were happy, when you were mad. Came in the middle of the night to get you, stayed over when you needed me. What could I have done that was so bad to you? I apologize for whatever horribly, terribly wrong thing I’ve done to you. If I was ever malicious or horrible to you I’m sorry.
I have tried so hard, but you hurt me so much and I can no longer hold on. I honestly thought I could count on you, that you would have been there for me that night when I called you. I was at my lowest point, and you know I never show my feelings. So I turned to you, knowing that my bestfriend would be there. You basically said I wasn’t a priority. I get it; you had your own stuff to go through, you were with your boyfriend, spending time with him, but I was always there for you when I was hurting. I cared about you so much and loved you so deeply. I never had a friend I could just be myself with, who didn’t judge me. But you gave me nothing but a string of excuse as to why you couldn’t be there for me. You know I hate bothering people with my problems, but the one time I needed you, you turned me away. I have never felt so hurt in my life, never felt someone tear me apart the way you did. So I stopped talking to you. I didn’t need someone around who always thought of themselves; I needed a real friend, but when I gave you a chance to become friends I thought you would realize you made a mistake. So when I told you why I was mad and that I was hurting, you said “You know I’m going through a lot of stuff too, what about me? You never asked to see how I was, and I was no where near you.” That apparently is why you couldn’t be there, even when I was there when I had troubles and I was hurting, I stood by you, helped you when I was in pain. Even when I was hurt that day, as we sat down and told you why it was, how it was and you said that you were hurting I was so worried about you and asked you why and what happened and I was there for you. But while i needed you, you were to busy being with your boyfriend to care. You didn’t wanna see how I was or be bothered with having to drive to see me and I understood that, but you never called back or sent one text the next day to see how I was and it was weeks untill I herd you, and I live 5 min away from yoh.
You were a friend, a sister. You were a part of me, my family. I loved you. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t have turned you away. I would have been there, I would have fought to be friends. When your friends become your family, you just gotta fight for them because everyone comes and goes, but friends are something special. But now its to late, its to late for anything.
You meant the world to me, but now I know I meant nothing to you. You didn’t fight for it, you just let it go because apparently I don’t care or give a damn but I did. I fought for it and waited for you to come back. To finally realize you made a mistake. I yelled and scream, trying to show you, but you didn’t listen, you just kept playing the victim. Acting like it was my fault, always saying you were the one hurt, always showing that it was either I say I’m sorry or I only be there for you. But this friendship is over now, because you ruined it. You stood back and let it go away. I put so much into it and you stopped.
I wish I could send you this exact letter I wrote for you, but I’m to chicken to, because what use would it be? And you will never see this, I wish you could, oh how I wish some how you would stumble upom this but I know you wont. How could you, and why would you? But so now I leave it here goodbye bestfriend.
Goodbye, Ex- bestfriend.

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